You know you need a wine boot camp when you begin to wax poetic to your Valentine's Day date about a Burgundy... that turns out to be rum and grape juice. Trod through the world of fermented grapes with this Adventure: nine tastings of wines from Europe, South America, and North America, plus cheese and charcuterie pairings.

We'll assemble at the gorgeous bar in the brand-new LivingSocial building at 918 F Street, replete with stylish décor befitting for a fine gathering of wine, fine meats, cheese, and our team of oenophiles who'll be on board to make sure we have a vine time. Wine experts will be on hand to take us through the specific growing patterns, cultivation techniques, and bottling standards of the nine wines on display, brought to us by Monument Fine Wines. They'll also provide detailed tutorials, spending roughly half an hour on each continental bouquet and exposing us to the specific hints and subtleties of these cherished varietals.

From North America, look forward to Byron Pinot Noir and Carmel Road Chardonnay. The European leg will include a tasting of Solletico Prosecco, Tenuta DiArceno Chianti Classico, and an Albarino—a type of Zesty white wine from Galicia, Spain. Finally, we'll touch down in South America swilling a Torrontes, also a white; the Calina Carmenere, a type of Bordeaux that thrives along the Andes; and a Malbec. And with a 10% discount at Ace Beverage, FineWine.com, and Circle Wine & Spirits, we'll be able to find our new favorite bottles for cheap. To accompany our vino, we'll nosh on paired cheeses and meats, all provided by Cowgirl Creamery, which produces all organic cheese. After a night this grape, vino you'll leave being able to distinguish between varietals... and various other types of beverages.